If I really think about it, I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember being able to think… I never actually recognized it as a mental illness before because I had never spoken about it to anyone, I had always just thought my brain was weird for thinking this way and I should keep my weirdness to myself, or that everyone worries like this, or I was just weaker than other people, and didn’t deal with things as well as other people. As I got older, it got worse, and it’s only when I got to my last few years at University and I started to actually read about mental illnesses that I realised. And it’s only until very recently that I felt ready to talk about it.

I was branded a drama queen since I was a toddler, I would have random breakdowns at primary school demanding to call my mum thinking something had happened to her… I needed attention and reassurance more than other kids. The news of the world affected me horribly, sometimes having to completely shut down from everyone and everything because I was unable to stop thinking about it. TV shows and movies, even cartoons, where bad things happen would leave me going over and over in my head about how this has probably happened to SOMEONE in real life. I ended up not being able to even commit to watching a movie or a series without knowing beforehand if any major characters were going to die. I read the last page of novels and watched endings first to make sure I was mentally prepared for anything upsetting that might happen. I worried about the stupidest things, things like crying if someone killed an insect because I would worry that its parents are looking for it, or his family will come and seek revenge LOL. I took other people’s issues and problems incredibly personally, they physically affected me until I was able to think of a solution or confirm that this person was now okay. I was either socially awkward or too outspoken, depending on my level of anxiety that day or the level to which I had over thought about the topic in discussion. I pre planned difficult or new conversations in my head to make sure nothing I say could be taken in the wrong way and so I was prepared for every possible response, then panicked if I got a response or question I had not prepared for. I constantly questioned people’s motives which made it really hard for me to trust anyone, and I often over thought my way into really dark places, “she’s in a mood” was a phrase I heard said about me ALL THE TIME.

I would cry over really small things often and other bigger things wouldn’t have much effect on me, I later realised this was usually because I’d already thought about the bigger things and anticipated for them to happen someday but the smaller ones came as a surprise and I had had no time to mentally prepare. I forgot big things often but remembered other small things that no one else remembered, I later realised this was mainly because my brain was so busy overthinking and obsessing about small minor details that more general things like remembering my wallet, were completely pushed out. I loved taking feedback on my work but I also took criticism REALLY badly, I later realised it was because I wanted to have done things perfectly and loved knowing what I need to do to get there, but whatever negative point you raised about me or my work I had either already beaten myself up about it a million times in my head, or I will now go and beat myself up about it a million times and wonder how I could have been so stupid to miss it.

Even writing this blog post, was a battle in my brain. Overthinking all the points I might miss out, or the order I should write them in, or whether something was a good point to make or not. Anxiety over all the negative perceptions people might get of me from it, or all the ways it might not be good enough, or helpful enough, clear enough, or concise enough. Overthinkers in general, have a constant commentary in their head, criticising and picking apart everything they do and everything they have planned to do; making decisions difficult because you pick apart your own decisions before you have a chance to act on them. You constantly worry about looking bad or ruining your future. “What ifs” and “should haves” are always running around in your head, your attention span is low because there are so many thoughts in your head that thinking about one thing will lead you to somewhere else entirely. Posting or saying anything publicly or on social media is a massive deal because you must run through all the possible ways people will interpret your post before you are able to post it. Generally, when I take “breaks” on Instagram or with my blog, you can assume it will be somewhat related to my anxiety, anxiety which stems from all this overthinking and when it gets really bad, often makes me horribly depressed.

It’s hard because anxiety has so many levels, at one point I thought I had ADHD because of the way my mind had so many thoughts in it all the time, unable to focus on one thing, it was exhausting and gave me migraines and panic attacks when I got overwhelmed. Other times I was convinced I had OCD, because the amount of stress it gave me when I missed a step in my “routine” in the morning, or the mental pain I got in when I missed my milkshake when I was trying to gain weight, or when I missed a step in my skincare routine while I was trying to get rid of my eczema, if you read my Weight Gain or Eczema blog posts you might have picked up on this already. Me not being good enough, my work not being good enough, making one mistake & feeling like I had “fluked” my way into people thinking I’m smart all this time, or that people will now think I’m stupid, these were all hot topics in my brain making me feel like I had Imposter Syndrome. The constant overthinking made me think I had GAD. The constant commentary in my head asking myself what people think of me or if they are going to judge me, the extreme nervousness when I had to speak in public, the zoning out or needing to leave when in social situations for too long, were signs of social anxiety. There were days I wouldn’t have done a single productive thing, but I would still feel mentally and physically exhausted, and I would then have anxiety thinking about if I have depression or am I just being lazy? There was all the anxiety around trying to figure out which condition I actually had because surely, I couldn’t possibly be mental enough to have all of them? And then of course there were phases I was totally fine and I would then have all the anxiety of thinking is anything even wrong with me? Am I just overreacting?

That was definitely one of the worst things about it, was how unpredictable it was. Not only because it made it harder for me realise that there was something wrong with me, but also because it made it even harder to explain to anyone else, or for them to take it seriously. Because how could I be fine sometimes if I had a mental illness? Surely that means I can control it? I can’t. In that moment, most of the time it is very very difficult to control especially if you have no idea what is happening. I could have a whole week of being able to endure verbal abuse, constant arguments and fights and be totally fine, then have a day where I have a breakdown over not being able to find an outfit. I could have weeks of being so so productive, doing multiple things and completing multiple projects simultaneously, going to work and then events after work and social events and gatherings, then I would have weeks where getting out of bed was a struggle, where making a doctor’s appointment or calling customer service was too much human interaction. Some days things I normally love so much would bring me no joy at all, other days I would be overwhelmed with happiness by the smallest gestures. I could have weeks of being so strong and not giving a single f*ck about anything or anyone, so many things could go wrong over and over again and I would just get right back up and deal with it and carry on, then I would have days where I would overthink the tiniest things and couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to switch my brain off.

Honestly there have been times I wanted to die. I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t want to kill myself, but the thought of death seemed so peaceful, like all these thoughts in my head would just stop if I died for a little bit. Death was peaceful, the world was disgusting and I could escape everything with death. It was so horrible because the bad times, made me feel weak. Weak was the last thing I ever wanted to feel. I never wanted to be this stereotypical “dramatic, hormonal, mood swinging woman” nor did I want to be this “weak” woman who second guessed herself. I wanted to be strong and powerful and in control, and most of the time I felt like I was. Most of the time I was able to hide how anxious I was feeling or how upset something had made me, and put on a good strong woman front, but the panic attacks, the times I was unable to control my emotions,  the random outbursts and crying over nothing, meant I couldn’t always keep up that act with people close to me, and I hated it. I hated myself for not being able to control it, I hated myself for not being able to predict it, and I hated myself for promoting strength and women empowerment, and to the whole world showing this strong IDGAF attitude, while behind the scenes having these episodes where I’m a big anxious mess…

See whenever I have told anyone, any of this, in the past, the most common response I got was “Omg what you could never tell?” “Omg is that really what’s going through your mind?” “But you seem so calm?” Which is both a good thing and a bit of a bad thing. A bad thing because these things are not always apparent, many people including me suffer in silence for years, too embarrassed to speak out about it, normalizing it or thinking they can deal with it alone. But it’s a good thing because if you suffer from something similar, it’s proof that it doesn’t define you, you can live a normal life just like anyone else. I still go out, work, go to events, post on Instagram, speak publicly, go on holiday, I don’t look or act like some crazy mood swinging lady who’s head is constantly spinning, I just occasionally react differently to things, or may occasionally have a panic attack over something that someone else might find minor. Where before I had no idea what was happening at those times, I now understand it much better, I recognize it as part of who I am, & I’ve taken steps to try improve it. I’m still learning too, & this is just to share my struggles and how far I’ve come, for those of you who might find it interesting, helpful, or relatable in some way. I’m going to highlight some of the main struggles I have had and then also some tips that have helped me at the end.

One of the biggest struggles, apart from of course everything I mentioned above, was trying to differentiate between something that was actually an issue and NEEDED to be thought about or stressed about for so long and in so much detail, from something that was not so important, not really a big deal at all, and was not worth me sitting in bed at night thinking about it. For an overthinker like me, NO detail is too small or insignificant, and someone else telling me that thought I was thinking was small or insignificant did not help in the slightest. My basic logic went something like, it might not be a big deal right NOW, but it COULD become one?

It was even worse when thinking about if I should air my “concern” publicly or keep it to myself, because I found it difficult to differentiate between a major issue and a minor issue. I was a pretty outspoken child, and I started off having no problem in airing my concerns or possible scenarios I had thought up in my head, to my friends to teachers, to anyone, and when I was given confused faces back, I just couldn’t figure out why no one else was as concerned as me about this small detail. I ended up thinking I was weird, I was different. As I got older, I started feeling embarrassed of my though process, why do I think like this? No one else seems to be? I started worrying that people will think I’m stupid or weird, and so I never knew if I should air my concern or ask my question. Being both a woman and a woman of an ethnic minority background, proving that I wasn’t an idiot and that I was good at my job/smart at the subject I was studying, was always in my head. Partially traumatized from all the times I had asked “weird” questions in the past, I felt I couldn’t always afford to raise my point or air my concern and risk looking like I don’t know what I’m talking about. With the help of books, the internet and alhamdulillah my very smart family, I became really good at figuring out answers on my own, unfortunately that also meant I started skipping school more because I figured I could learn better alone. But as I got older, I found more people interested in similar subjects to me, with similar mindsets to me. My teachers and mentors were more specialised in the subjects I was interested in and I felt less and less alone. My questions went from being answered with “that’s not something you need to worry about” to “that’s a good question let me look into it and get back to you”. I would try so hard to figure it out on my own first so to avoid the public embarrassment if it was actually a stupid question or irrelevant concern, but with time I learnt that if you ask the right people, no question or concern is weird. I still occasionally think twice before asking things or raising a point, but if you really can’t figure it out alone and can’t find someone to quietly explain, just ask the question, or set aside a time for you to ask the question privately, OWN your overthinking, because it is only really a problem if you let it own you.

Trying to pitch an idea to someone without being physically present to see it coming together was also an issue. Having the constant battle in my head of sending them other points my brain just decided were super important and needed to be confirmed or implemented into the design, and at the same time trying to hold back these thoughts in the event I might irritate them too much was EXHAUSTING. Everything needs to be thought about. All points must be covered. I must receive clear communication that all my points have been understood. Every detail must be perfect. I HATED this about myself SO much. Because it meant I would send stupidly long emails and messages with all my “concerns” or “points” then sit worrying about if I’ve been too irritating or annoying until I receive a reply confirming that I have not been too irritating or annoying and my points were actually valid, because as an overthinker with anxiety, my points being misunderstood, or me being misunderstood in general in any way was a massive fear. My god does this not sound exhausting to you already? I’m exhausted typing about it…

My third big struggle, was compartmentalizing. If you follow me on Instagram you would know I am very vocal about my opinions, on politics, on world affairs. Alongside all the fashion and shoes, I try raise awareness on injustice and try fight for people who can’t fight for themselves. I often get so into these causes that they put me into depression, I feel responsible. I go through the same cycle every time, I read what’s happening, feel extreme anger and frustration, rant about how horrible it is, try to think of all the things I want to do to help, get overwhelmed, get so overwhelmed that I’m not able to do much of what I wanted, feel guilty, then get depressed that I didn’t do enough. I feel guilty fighting for one cause then not fighting for another one. I feel guilty raising awareness for one injustice and missing out on another one. I beat myself up when I find a news article about something horrible that I had done nothing about, or not raised awareness for. I often felt empathy for people who maybe did not deserve it and then felt guilty about it. It was very very easy to make me feel guilty or make me feel like I was a bad person for fighting for one person or standing up for one person and not the other person but I had impulsive reactions to these things at the same time. It was all very confusing and exhausting. I find it very hard to switch off and just concentrate on my own problems and my own feelings. Girls on Instagram would often tell me their problems or horrible things that had happened to them, it now felt like it had happened to me, they were my problems. I would think about other people’s problems, often more than I thought about my own. I felt some sort of responsibility to help them or to make the world better and it upset me that other people didn’t feel the same. These were all signs of being an empath too, and through my research of empaths I have now learnt how to set better boundaries for myself and more realistic expectations to prevent myself from getting too overwhelmed or upset. I am planning to do a separate post on empaths because, although related to anxiety, I really feel I have come a long long way with it, I will link that blog post here when it’s done.

My fourth big struggle, was talking to anyone about my problem. I love my religion and I love Islam, and in some ways it helped me SO much, but in other ways, especially when it comes to talking to other people about my problems, it made me feel worse. Islam brought me peace, I know a lot of people who struggle with mental health issues find some sort of calm in prayer, and I was the same. Praying and talking to Allah about my issues and asking him for help, helped me. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone, that I had someone to talk to who understands everything I’m going through without having to explain and without them judging me. It also made me feel like someone was helping me, whenever I had over thought my way into a negative place I would pray and ask that Allah make sure those horrible things never happen, or to help the people whose problems I was worrying about, and that gave me so much peace. But talking to other Muslims and other Asians in general about it was often a negative experience…

“Why are you overthinking, you should just trust Allah?” “Your Imaan is weak that’s why you have anxiety” “It’s your own choice to be depressed if people in Palestine can be happy then you can get out of your depression” “What do you have to worry about your life is good?” “If you prayed in time then you wouldn’t feel like this” The problem with these statements, is not that they are wrong, the problem is, one: the usually blaming and patronising tone they are said in. And two: that people assume these are things that me, a person who makes one typo in a professional email and beats herself up about it for a week thinking how everyone must think I’m thick now, would not have already thought about. Do you think an overthinker like me would miss an opportunity to beat herself up about why she can’t seem to stop overthinking and just trust Allah? Or why her imaan isn’t strong enough to stop her anxiety?

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, I tell myself it ALL the time, and tell it to everyone else too, I strongly believe that as someone with anxiety who struggles with overthinking to this level it is one of the concepts you have to MASTER to be able to get through life a bit better. That everything that happens is for a reason, every negative thing that happens is a lesson, we can move forward and be better next time, we can fix it and people will forget about it or they probably didn’t even notice. But we get low points too… points where our beliefs and our chanting of “everything happens for a reason” in our head isn’t enough to pull us out of. As someone with anxiety, TALKING about it to anyone, is oh my god the biggest struggle. Mentioning even one issue that we have to anyone, might seem so simple, but what you don’t see is what comes before. The running through of all the possible scenarios, the thinking of how to word things to not shed too much negative light on ourselves or not make ourselves out to be too mental. The back and forth of should I tell them or will they think less of me… Know that if someone feels the need to confide in you about their anxiety, it took a WHOLE lot of anxiety to get them there and they REALLY just need someone to be there for them. They don’t need to be told that they should have more faith or that they should snap out of it, or “try think about something else.” Lol, sure, because that would be real great.

There are also some people who try, I’m sure with good intentions, to relate, “I have anxiety all the time then I just remind myself I can’t control what happens and get over it” then I’m sorry my friend but your anxiety is on a completely different level to mine. I’m happy for you that you can “get over it” and sure, sometimes, depending on how bad my anxiety is at that time, I can tell myself similar things and get over it too, but a lot of the time, my thoughts are not something that I can get “over”. They will go round and round in my head and not stop. One thought will lead to another one and to another one… you get over one and another one starts… you can tell yourself to trust Allah or that everything happens for a reason but then you start thinking about okay so if Allah does choose for this thing to happen to me how do I mentally prepare, what would I need to do to come back from it, maybe I can pray and still stop it from happening completely. It’s not something you can just “snap out of it”.

Sometimes there wouldn’t even be any thoughts, sometimes the feeling of panic would just start, randomly for no apparent reason. Something is wrong. Something is happening. Something doesn’t feel right. I feel like I should I worried about something but I don’t know what. Something just doesn’t feel right. All of a sudden your heart is beating too fast, your head is hurting and your eyes are blurring up. You feel sick and your chest starts hurting, your breathing feels off, you panic more because you don’t know why. Why am I panicking? Nothing is wrong? I can’t be having a panic attack because what am I worried about? Am I dying? Am I having a heart attack? I can’t say anything because people will think I’m being dramatic. I can’t tell anyone because they will think I’m stupid because I don’t have a reason for having a panic attack. Am I pale? Did I eat properly today? Did I do this to myself? Let me just sit here for a while by myself so no one notices and I’ll be fine. I don’t need anyone. I’m not weak I’m strong. No one has to know…

Up until very recently I had not realised how damaging and exhausting some of these thoughts were for me, I had brushed them off and just dealt with them as they come, I normalised the dark thoughts and the panic attacks but I know now they are not normal. I know many of you will have looked at your parents or other relatives reacting to things in similar or even worse ways to you, making you feel like the way you react is okay or healthy, but that is only because mental health has been such a taboo subject in south Asian culture for years, we can change that. If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t feel healthy for your brain or your body, it most probably isn’t and it isn’t fair on yourself, your friends, your family or anyone around you if you don’t look into it and try help yourself.

After years and years of going back and forth in my head about seeing someone professionally I finally took that plunge and booked my first proper session, it was hard, they did some tests and asked a lot of questions, some of which were really hard to answer, but they are currently analysing everything and are going to get back to me! Maybe it will help, maybe it won’t, but at least I know that I am trying to get better. I would hate to carry on my life knowing that I did not try to be the best version of myself. I would hate to think about having kids knowing that I could have this mental illness I pass on to them and subject them to trauma I could have prevented by getting help. You might think your random outbursts over small things, your shouting or swearing, your mood swings, your panic attacks, are things that your kids will have to deal with, but please understand that those things to a young child, or anyone of any age for that matter, can cause permanent trauma that they don’t ever get over. If you feel like you have a problem, you literally have nothing to lose from getting help. I know a lot of people are scared of being put on medication but know that you can tell the doctor you do not want medication, there are other methods they can try to help you too, the only outcomes you can possibly get are you get a professional diagnosis and start getting better, or you find out there is nothing wrong with you.

However, all that being said I know better than anyone, pushing someone to get help when they are not ready does nothing. You need to be ready and open to someone helping you, and when that time comes you will know, if it is not yet then that is totally fine. Over the years I have picked up on some things that have helped me through my worse phases, before I decided to try therapy, and I hope they will help you too if you can relate to any part of this post. Please note I am not a doctor nor am I trained in mental health in any way, so I would always recommend doing your own research and taking professional advice over anything, this is just what has helped me personally manage my anxiety better:

1. Have “overthinking” sessions. If you are an overthinker like me, and the usual points of telling yourself “everything happens for a reason” and to “trust Allah’s plan”, are not working, I strongly suggest trying to set aside time for little “overthinking” sessions with yourself or someone you really really trust who you know won’t judge your thoughts. I often write the “worries” or the thoughts down in my notes on my phone as they happen (or a notepad) whatever you prefer, there are no restrictions on what can be written down, from the biggest problems to the tiniest silliest things that sound stupid to someone else e.g. what day should I wash my hair. Don’t judge your own thoughts, anything I worry about even for a second I write it down and then set a time for when I will go through them all. When that time comes I sit and literally discuss them in my head, think of a “plan”, decide all the possible scenarios and which is the best one or discuss with myself why it’s not really a big deal, then tick them off. Sometimes when it’s overwhelming I bring someone in to help me, to run through the thoughts with me and basically just reassure my brain that all is well and even if these things happen all will still be well. For example if I was overthinking about a presentation not being good enough, or a campaign I shot for a brand not being good enough, (I told you, things not being good enough is a hot topic in my brain) I would plan a day that I don’t have much going on to potentially re-shoot, just so I know in my head I have that option, or draft an email to ask for an extension for the presentation, again just in case I need it, or I’ll have someone else go through the content to see if there is anything I can change right now to improve it, and for me anyway, that’s all I really need when I reach out to someone.. just someone to bounce my thoughts off. Someone to not tell me my thoughts are stupid and I should snap out of them, but for someone to reassure me that even if these things I am thinking about DO happen, even if I did miss one step in my routine, or made one mistake at work, or can’t find the words to raise awareness on a cause, or don’t feel up to attending an event, we still have other options, we can still make a plan, we can find a solution, and it will be okay. Though that might sound like common sense, of course there is always something we can do about it, when I overthink I NEED to know what that “thing we can do about it” is, I need to know what my next step will be.. I need to feel like I am prepared, and I have a plan, have my little worry about what could happen and then tick it off. It is incredibly therapeutic, it gives you structure to your worrying so it doesn’t take over your day, and has made a massive difference for me.

2. Keep your body and mind healthy. Exercise helps! It doesn’t need to be a long hard workout, even a little walk in the garden, a quick jog on the spot, helps keep my mind feeling good. There is a science behind this that I won’t go into, but it does work! Diet is important. You don’t need to be on some crazy strict vegetable diet I feel like that might make you more depressed, but maintain a healthy balanced diet. Everything in moderation. Eat that chocolate bar if you want but be sure to have a good portion of salad or veggies with your dinner. Take multivitamin supplements too because believe it or not your brain not feeling right can also be signs of some sort of deficiency. I just take the vitamins from Holland and Barret, but any should be fine. Make sure you get enough sleep and drink enough water. When my brain feels fuzzy, heavy or overwhelmed, sometimes a long cold drink of water is all I actually need, so it is worth a try.

3. Try to keep a diary of all your feelings, good and bad. This helps in both recognizing patterns, and also recognizing triggers, it will also be useful when/if you do decide to get professional help. Sometimes a certain environment will make you feel much worse and you will be able to notice that from your diary, and so you learn for the future to either manage the narrative in your head better whilst in that environment, take someone along for support, or to ease yourself into it a little at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed. It will help you keep track of things that trigger you, I now know I am triggered by people shouting or fighting, even a slightly raised tone or slightly aggressive voice makes me feel anxious, even if it is not directed at me I get anxious and either have a very overly defensive, aggressive, (sometimes unreasonable) reaction, and if I manage to control the aggression from coming out, I completely shut down, or panic and need to remove myself from the situation immediately. It may help you notice certain times of the year or the month where it gets much worse, is there a particular date that makes it worse for you, or if you menstruate do you feel worse around that time? I know now I am much more easily triggered a couple weeks before my period, so I have started to give myself a lot more “me” time during this period to avoid getting overwhelmed. It may also help you recognize that there are certain people who make your anxiety worse. That could be anything from people who belittle your feelings and try convince you that you are overthinking something and therefore your feelings are not valid, people who actively drop triggers or make negative comments towards you causing you to spiral, or even someone’s general vibe and tone when they speak to you. Recognizing these things will help you in both removing these people from your life where you can, limiting your contact, and knowing when you might need to change the narrative in your head to avoid a spiral. But the most amazing thing about the diary is it will also help you to be able to look back and remember where you were worrying about a similar situation last time and it turned out okay, or what you did that time that helped you get through it, you will be able to look back and think see I got through THIS, so I’ll also be fine this time, it will help you see everything you have overcome and how far you have come in your journey.

4. Try to practice changing the narrative in your head. I said this a couple times in the previous point so I thought I should expand on it. You will over time be able to notice when you are starting to get overwhelmed or when you are overthinking something or worrying about something and you can feel a potential panic attack coming on. Try practice changing the narrative in your head. If you often find yourself worrying about making a mistake at work and how bad it would look, remind yourself of all the people who are in higher positions than you who make mistakes all the time and are still fine. If you often find yourself worrying about people in Palestine or Syria, think about what you can do to help, can you share petitions, can you donate a little money. There are so many other ways to manage the narrative too have a look into CBT, I will put some links below. I know this is MUCH easier said than done, I still struggle with it HORRIBLY and I also get incredibly annoyed when I’m trying to explain a panic attack to someone and they say oh but why didn’t you just think this? Or why don’t you just think that? Because I am also thinking why couldn’t I have just thought this or that before having this whole attack lol, I promise you I know it is not easy to redirect your thoughts, but slowly the more you try and the more you recognise, the more you will be able to do it.

5. Practice positive thinking. Again, another one I know is much easier said than done, but if you practice a little at a time you will get better at it. Practice affirmations you can say to yourself, it is honestly not as cringe as it sounds. I talk to myself all the time, I tell myself I’ve got this, I can solve this problem, I’m SMART, I’m a good person, I have a good heart,  I’m not neglecting people or forgetting about other peoples problems, I am just focusing on myself right now. I’m beautiful, I don’t care about what other people think of me, I’m being true to myself, I’m honest. I can try again next time, maybe this wasn’t my time, something better will come along, I will be okay, I’m not alone, a lot of other people feel the same way, I can deal with whatever life throws at me, I am strong. Slowly your brain will start thinking these things automatically.

6. Stay organised. Make lists of all the things you need to do or the projects you want to finish. Keep note of all the articles that you want to look into or the ideas you want to explore. Set aside times for relaxing and times for working. If you miss something on your schedule, re-schedule, if you miss it again, don’t worry just put it in for another time. Stay organised but don’t restrict yourself so you have no room for movement, it is just so you know what needs to be done and how much you have to manage. Tick things off as you get them done.

7. Practice breathing exercises. When you feel like you are getting into a panic this can be really helpful to calm you down. Again I know how irritated I get when I am panicking and someone tells me “just breathe” I get a sudden urge to smash something across their head but really, do try practice breathing exercises alone because they really do help when they are done properly and you are not being told “just breathe” Again I will put some links below.

8. Practice prayer or meditation. Or both! Like I said above prayer really helps me, it helps me to be able to talk to God and feel like someone is listening and understanding without judgement. I ramble and just lay everything out on the table and sometimes when I can’t find the words to explain I take comfort in knowing that God already knows how I feel and I don’t need to explain. Perhaps that is the reason meditation didn’t work for me, but I will put some links below if you are not religious or would just like to try meditation, I have a lot of friends who have found it helpful.

9. Remember it is okay to not be okay. Do not be too hard on yourself. Ever. You may not always be in the right state of mind to even MAKE that “worry” list, or do any of the things above. Sometimes you may have so MANY thoughts in your head at the time that even knowing which one to write down is a struggle, and that is OKAY. You may have practiced all the above points for years and still have times when you can’t change the narrative and can’t think of any positive thoughts and that is okay. It’s okay if sometimes you can’t deal with it all, it’s okay if sometimes it gets too much, and you can’t physically do anything to help yourself. Take a break. Take a bath, watch a movie, PRAY, watch a show you love, clean, cook, have a nap, do whatever it is YOU need to do to relax and for a limited time, get your mind off those thoughts. Know what your happy place is, the things you need to do to relax and feel happy, even if it is for a limited time. When I was really young I had my own fantasy land in my head, and when I felt really down or anxious I would go into my fantasy land in my head and relax there imagining life all perfect and glittery and princessy LOL I was pretty imaginative. My fantasy land had a candyfloss tree and chocolate ice cream fountain and a fairy who could grant all my wishes, I read way too many story books. Anyway that was my coping mechanism back then which I’m sure sounds super embarrassing but I was 8 and my point is, do WHATEVER you need to do in that moment to relax and feel better and happier. Then when you can, however long it takes, make the list one point at a time, deal with your dark thoughts one thought at a time, carefully, slowly, reward yourself with watching another episode of your show, or having some ice cream or whatever, every time you manage to clear through one point, and keep reminding yourself that it WILL be okay. There is nothing you can’t get through, there is nothing that could ever happen that we cannot find a solution for or make a plan for. Some plans and solutions might be harder or bigger, but still possible. It will be okay. And it is totally normal for you to not be okay sometimes, and that does NOT make you weak.

10. Know that it doesn’t all have to be bad! A certain level of anxiety and overthinking can actually be a strength. It helps you think of things other people wouldn’t, anticipate and solve issues before they happen, notice mistakes that have never been noticed before. It sometimes makes you incredibly intuitive. You understand certain things deeper than other people; you go above and beyond to make things beautiful and perfect in ways other people might not think of. You think outside the box, sometimes so far outside the box that other people don’t understand but that isn’t always a bad thing. Know that your thoughts and your worries do not have to drain you, it is okay to have these thoughts, they can be useful sometimes, as long as you know how to manage them and learn to distinguish the useful ones from the destructive ones.

11. It really does get better. Recognising this as a problem you have, no matter how small you might think it is, is the best thing you can do. You reading this post even if you don’t think you have anxiety, you may pick up on some little tips to help manage your thoughts better. Every time you have a panic attack, you learn more and more about yourself and the way your mind works, which means you will get better and better at managing it. Recognizing your anxiety, is the first step, you reading this post, you are taking a step already. It will get better.

Finally I just wanted to add a note for people who may know someone who struggles with anxiety, it might be worse than mine, it might be better, whatever stage they are at, if they reach out to you please please be really careful with how you speak to them. Don’t say things that could make them feel bad about it. “You’re being so dramatic” “Aww stop overreacting” “Just relax” “Calm down” “Just breathe” “Why can’t you think positively” “It’s not a big deal” Honestly I could go on, but just be careful. I know intentions are usually good, and to someone who doesn’t have anxiety saying these things may help them, but to someone with anxiety you may end up making them feel worse…  Saying things like “Why don’t you trust God” is basically blaming them for a thought process they can’t control. Saying “People have it worse than you” is basically telling them they are disgusting and ungrateful, that their feelings are irrelevant because other people have more important feelings, and giving them more sticks to beat themselves up with. Saying “you complain about this stuff a lot maybe you should see someone” is basically saying you feel they are a burden and you can’t be arsed to deal with it. “Just breathe” and “Just relax” are incredibly patronising. I’m not saying you would INTENTIONALLY mean these things; I’m telling you what our brains may translate it into. Just be there for them and listen openly without judgment.

We don’t always need advice, we will probably ask you if we want advice, we just want someone to listen. Your tips on what to eat and what exercises to do may have worked for you but unless this person is ASKING you for help or advice on what you have done to help you, just be there for them emotionally. Gently ask them if they want to know some things that have helped you before bombarding them with all these things that you think they are not doing correctly. Otherwise just be there for them, “I’m here for you” “What do you need?” “Do you want me to help take your mind off it?” “Do you want to talk about what happened or you just want me to stay with you?” “Shall we go out?” “Do you want to watch a movie together”. Don’t give advice unless they ask for it, avoid a blaming or patronising tone, and don’t start treating them like a mental patient, we will notice a change in your attitude towards us and overthink it like MAD.

I also thought I should mention, I’m not saying you should feel obligated to be there for someone if you can’t deal with it. I get other people’s mental illnesses are incredibly hard to deal with, especially when you have your own problems, but if that is the case, at least be kind. Kind enough to manage their expectations, kind enough to let them know you don’t feel like you are in a position to listen to them or be there for them, so next time they won’t have to go through the whole process in their brain to psych themselves up to speak to you, just be kind.

This was a really hard post for me to write, I re-wrote it multiple times because I just felt like I wasn’t explaining myself very well and I kept thinking of more things to add, it is honestly a really difficult thing to try explain because it is explaining feelings that almost everyone can feel and relate to a little, but just at a much more extreme level that can sometimes become dark and horrible, and explaining how regular worries can become dark and overwhelming and depressing was really difficult for me, especially when I factored in all the people who would potentially read this. I really do hope it helps some of you at least feel like you are not alone and maybe pick up just one tiny tip that might help. I hope it helps some of you to realise that you’re not weird, your thoughts are all VERY valid, and anyone who tells you they are not is quite frankly an idiot who doesn’t know what they are talking about. Your thoughts are very valid and very real and with a little time and little problem solving, you will get better and better at managing them. I hope it can give some of you hope and confidence in yourself that you can get through this and things will get better. And I hope that it gives some of you the strength and courage to ask for help, professionally, or otherwise. Remember there is nothing wrong with worrying about things, it’s just wrong when they start taking over your life, and once you recognize that they are, you can start taking little steps into improving. Baby steps, bunny steps, ant steps, whatever TINY step you manage to take, however small it may be, it’s still a step better than before.

I love you all and as always if you have any questions or would just like to share your own experience, or have any additional tips to share, please comment below, I would love to hear them and I’m sure other people would too.

Useful Links & Apps:

https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/mental-health/mental-health-self-help-guides/anxiety-self-help-guide

http://www.selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/penninecare/leaflets/selfhelp/Anxiety.pdf

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/understanding-panic/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/how-it-works/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ways-relieve-stress/

https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app

https://www.calm.com/