You know what I find so sad… how much society normalises harassing women.

How messed up is it that a man can literally be screaming and whistling at a woman, and if we complain we are told “awww you should take it as a compliment” Well, with all due respect, fuck your compliments.

If something makes a woman feel uncomfortable or unsafe, and I ASSURE YOU 90% of women do not enjoy being cat called whenever they leave the house as it actually DOES make you feel unsafe, then why are WE the rude ones for telling someone to shut their damn mouth? There is a massive difference between approaching a woman respectfully and telling her you think she’s beautiful, and shouting “OII OIII SEXY BITCH” while she walks past you, that is NOT a compliment, that is HARRASSMENT.

How SAD is it that we blame women for EVERYTHING. The other day at the station I was going to work, and the ticket guy literally pushed his head into my face and said something like “Hello babe”, I ignored it and walked past. He started shouting from behind me “I JUST SAID HELLO NO NEED TO BE RUDE” Well I didn’t hear you saying hello to the MAN in front of me?  I didn’t hear you say hello to the old lady behind me?? Where was your hello then?? And I’M THE RUDE ONE? While you are selectively picking with your dick who you say hello too? Can women not even go to work without some man having his ego hurt because we didn’t want to say hello to his slimy ass? “Maybe he just wanted to compliment you” Ok so then say “Excuse me, I just wanted to tell you that I think you are pretty”? I will say “Thank you” and move along? “But maybe he was just being nice” No he wasn’t you know why? Because if I was with a MAN he would have never in his life said anything to me. If he was innocently being “nice”, why not also be “nice” when I’m with my dad? Or my husband? You want to know how many times a man has said ANYTHING to me when I’m with my dad? Or my brother? Or my fiance? ZERO.

Z.E.R.O.

ZERO.

So women only get respect, when they have a man with them? Otherwise they are forced by society to say “Hello” to men they do not want to speak to, and smile and nod politely when men are screaming “OI OI” at them, or else they are branded as rude? Or stuck up? Or can’t take a compliment?

Ever had to lie and tell a man you are married to stop him harassing you because he wouldn’t listen the first time you said you are not interested? I’m guessing a lot of you probably have. I have had men demand to show them the wedding ring to “prove it” as if me LYING about it to get them off my back doesn’t express how little I want to speak to them already, I have to belong to a MAN before you leave me alone?

A man will tell me to smile and if I voice how that has irritated me “Why are you getting offended? He just told you to smile” Who are YOU to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be offended over? So now a woman can only be offended if a man agrees that something was offensive? Do you have any idea what is going on in a woman’s life, to be telling her to SMILE. Someone could have died, and you are telling her to smile?

I know so many people will read this and think “He just said hello” “Why is she so angry?” I’m angry because this happens EVERY SINGLE DAY, not just to me, to EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD. Black, White, Asian, Muslim, Hindu, in a hijab, in an abaya, in a skirt, in jeans, and we are told to tolerate it.

I’m angry because this is how you create this culture of blaming WOMEN for EVERYTHING. This is how you create a culture of men being allowed to do and say whatever the fuck they want and then the women are blamed when they are raped, or assaulted, or have acid thrown in their face. “Why didn’t you just say hello back?” “Why didn’t you just ignore him?” Why don’t we just tell women that their feelings and their lives don’t matter to us and we are here to entertain men and be done with it? “Why didn’t you just…” No. Why didn’t anyone ever tell HIM how to behave? Why did no one ask him, “Why didn’t you just leave her alone?”

Do you know how sad it is that 90% of women that I know INCLUDING ME (and I consider myself confident and able to handle myself) feel anxious and tense their entire body up like they are getting ready for a fight, whenever they are alone and walk past any man or group of men? Or even pull up at a red light next to a car of men. Because we are so used to being harassed. How sad. Our bodies are so used to being harassed they go into defence mode literally as soon as they see a man. How sad is it that if a man is walking in the same direction as me for too long I go into a shop for a couple minutes just in case he might be following me? Because THAT is what I am used to. I don’t think “he must live near me” I think let me make sure he isn’t trying to assault me or harrass me. THAT is what we are used to. I check through my car window that no man has broken in there and is waiting for me before I open the door, because better paranoid than raped and dead right? Yet society will tell women all the things they did wrong when THEY are harrassed. Every single woman I know has countless little tips to share about how she stays safe and what she does to try avoid male harassment. Yet society will STILL tell women it was THEIR fault and, and if we complain “yeah but men are just like that” well why can’t WOMEN be “just like that” Why can’t we normalise women telling men to shut their dirty mouths? Instead of normalising men harassing us. I’m so tired of this shit. Every time I think about it I get more and more angry. When will it stop. How many more women need to be hurt? How many more women need to get raped or abused?

I know someone is going to say “but men get raped too”. They do, and it’s horrible and my heart breaks for every single one of them, and I would never everrrrrr try to compare peoples trauma but since I KNOW someone in the comments is going too: men very rarely get blamed for their rape like women do. Have you ever heard of a man being asked “What were you wearing?” after he was raped? Have a man’s boxers ever been passed around the court room as evidence that he was asking to be raped? Has a man ever been told “Why did you take that route home?” “Why were you alone?” when reporting his rape. Please correct me if I’m wrong, I’m forever trying to learn, but as far as I know, it is unheard of.

We can demand stricter sentencing for the rapists and safer environments for women to speak out in, God knows we NEED both these things. But how many more women need to be raped or abused for people to realise that so much of the problem is in HOW MUCH WE MAKE EXCUSES FOR MEN AND THEIR SHIT BEHAVIOUR? And how much we BLAME women when a man hurts them. We make it SO easy for men to get away with shit. Think about it, a woman cheats and she is a slag. A man cheats and EVERYONE questions the woman. How did you treat him? Did you make him feel like less of a man? Did you do all the things he asked for in the bedroom? Maybe you didn’t satisfy him? Maybe if you did this he wouldn’t have left? MAYBE HE IS JUST DISGUSTING? Did that ever cross your mind? That maybe he should be responsible for his own adultery?

A woman gets raped and in many Asian countries they say, “her honour was taken” “he took her honour” How did he take HER honour when HE is the rapist? Who put a woman’s honour in her vagina? I’ve heard someone say this before too and it’s SO true, WHO DECIDED THAT A WOMEN’S HONOUR IS IN HER VAGINA?

If you are a man reading this and thinking “but not all men are like that” then maybe you shouldn’t stay silent when you see OTHER men harassing women? If you are not one of them then good for you, but maybe you should speak up when you see it happening too, because THOSE men clearly only respect the voice of other men. I have countless examples of men only listening when they are told by a MAN.

If you are reading this thinking what can I do to help? Educate the men in your life to know that this is NOT how you behave. You don’t demand women to say hello to you. You do not get to dictate how your cat calls should be received by women. And you do NOT get to tell us how to feel, how to act, and what we are allowed to get upset, offended, or angry over. Educate the women in your life to know that they don’t have to tolerate this shit. That they don’t have to respond and say hello back, you do not have to be respectful towards someone who is making you uncomfortable. And above all teach the women in your life to fight, to defend themselves, PROPERLY, so that God forbid a man was to get too offended by her lack of excitement from his cat calling, she could knock his jaw into next year and get away safely. Research has shown that a lot of rapists give up if the woman puts up even a BIT of a fight, they are lazy disgusting small men who look for EASY targets.

This started off as a rant I was going to post on my Instagram stories but turned into this 3 page essay that I could not be bothered to go through and shorten because I’m so tired. So so tired. When will it stop? It needs to stop. Because I’m tired. You are tired. Women are tired. All of us all over the world are TIRED. Stop normalising men harassing women. Stop telling women to change their behaviour to suit MEN. This system that society has created is NOT working. How many more women need to get hurt before you realise that?

http://ibreatheshoes.com/how-many-more-women/