This is a rant. Does a rant count as a blog post? Lets be honest, I really only made this website so I could rant in peace so it will have to count as a blog post, and I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to do a rant, so here we go.
Why are so many South Asians ashamed of their culture and their country? It makes me sooooooo sad. You never ever hear anyone from any other country being ashamed of going back home or marrying someone from their home country IT’S ONLY US. What is wrong with us? Why do we feel like “she married a guy from back home” is something to look DOWN on, furthermore, WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE ASHAMED OF IT??
I know SO many people from Spain, Africa, Turkey, Italy, Australia, CHINA, who will happily and proudly say MY HUSBAND IS FROM MY HOME COUNTRY, without even a second thought. They will rant and rave about the big beautiful wedding they had in their home country, with their beautiful exotic in laws, dripping in colour and culture. It’s just USSSS (not all but A LOT) who have the disgusting mentality, that for some reason, marrying someone from our home country is something to be ashamed of, or a last resort, or inferior to someone from here – HOW SAD.
Pakistan is so beautiful, the people there are SO BEAUTIFUL, the culture is beautiful, and they have pretty much EVERYTHING that we have in the UK, so what is there to look down on? The education is amazing, the men back home are generally a thousand times more manly, skilled, hardworking, and knowledgeable, than a lot of the mollycoddled, spoilt, “never read a book in their life” boys that get raised here. So what’s the problem? They have an accent? OK, but their English grammar is probably better than yours too!
What is the difference between a girl liking someone, and clicking with someone, who lives in Pakistan, and someone who lives here? It’s so SAD that these days European girls seem to be more accepting of men from our country than we are!
Oh and please don’t get me started on the busy body “I think I’m so modern” girls who use “she just married a guy from back home” as a point! What do you mean “just”? Are you insinuating that she didn’t find someone she actually liked and clicked with and chose to marry them? Because marrying someone from back home and being forced to marry someone you don’t like are two TOTALLY different things and the latter is nothing to do with the country they are from – that happens in every country, it is called a forced marriage and would be wrong whether the guy was from Pakistan, India, Japan or Toronto. If they CHOSE to marry someone they LIKED who just happened to be from Pakistan, what’s the problem? Please explain because I don’t get it.
I know people who have full on LIED to friends about where their husband is from because they were so ashamed of saying they married a “freshie”. Would you still class him as that if he was from China or Mexico? Because technically that would still be a freshie. But no you class him as that because he is from Pakistan or India, the same place YOU are from and your ancestors are from but you have a problem saying your husband is from there; that to me is so sad, both for you and for him. He’s a good man, he treats you well and you chose to marry him, but you’re ashamed of his background… wow.
I get if maybe you don’t want to tell nosy little busy bodies where your husband is from, you want to keep things private, fine, but full on lying about it is so sad.. and looking down on other people for it? Even sadder.
I also get that people have their preferences, you personally might not want to marry someone from Pakistan. I personally can not speak Urdu very well so have always felt like I just couldn’t marry someone who’s most comfortable first language was Urdu and who’s family would maybe speak no English, but that’s MY preference. If I made a conscious decision to marry someone I liked from Pakistan, I would LOVE for someone to TRY give me ANY kind of “oo your husbands from back home” snide remarks. YES bitch. Yes he is. His beautiful chocolate smart strong manliness is from my home country and he will cheer and clap for me while I beat your ass for thinking your bitchy comment will affect me. It won’t. And I hope anyone else who thinks it is something to be looked down upon re-evaluates their life and realises how pathetic they seem for being ashamed of the people from their own country. I hope you include your own dad, granddad and uncles in your generalisations, I’m sure they would be so happy to know how much you love where they come from.
And if you are someone who has ever been made to feel inferior for marrying back home, then I hope you know that I love you. I love you for not giving a shit about what people might say, or what people might think. I love you for following your heart, staying true to yourself, loving your country, not letting small minded intolerants affect your decisions, and knowing that where someone comes from doesn’t make them any “less” than anyone else. Many many many things can make someone a better husband or wife for you than someone else, having a red passport is not, and should never be, one of them.
19 thoughts on ““She just married a guy from back home””
Thank you x
I married a Pakistani, whilst my cousins picked their husbands on Facebook but I’m the one who’s ridiculed
This needed to be said!! Well done Aneesa – a subject that never gets discussed and probably something alot of people are guilty of! insha’Allah Allah guides us all .. ameen X
Thank you so much!!!
really appreciate your effort and you can feel the emotion read the post this hope it open people’s eyes and their are some lovely people in Pakistan who you can just click with instantly people bad mouth but still go their and do their shopping and every thing from there may allah have his blessing on you and give you all the happiness in the world
An interesting post and you make many correct points. However, the only reason I may see it as unfavourable for women is that often they are supporting the whole process on a one sided basis. I have seen many women go through many difficulties such as rising money needed for sponsorship, hiring lawyers for the visa process- all this done independently without much support from the male counterpart. I have seen many of friends live as married but almost single women as they await to hear replies from the home office. Also, when he does make it to the UK, it is often the fact that he has not much to start with and once again the female is carrying such a burden of helping him build himself from scratch.
I think it would be a better idea if women wishing to embark on this decision, have all of this fully explained to them so they are not in this vulnerable situation unexpectedly.
Feeling so emotional right now!!!! I absolutely agree with every bit of this blog and not because my husband is from pakistan 🇵🇰 but because its true and i know people who make fun of me or think i made a mistake. This article is a slap on their face and they should be ashamed of themselves. Thank you for writing this Aneesa xxx
Thank you so much xxx
I completely agree what you are saying as someone being from back home, I completely understand. But saying that, its also that some people want to marry for your passport and not all guys are the same. I’ve seen first hand that they’ve married girls or men married women from back home but they’ve been completely let down. Some men would rather sit at home ad let their wives do the hard work or men would try to be controlling and would expect the wife to be highly educated but would rather the wives sit at home and look after everything at home instead of working. I also agree that grass isnt always green but not everyone is the same
It’s like the white people have thought is to reject our own people with their imperialism. Now we mock and look down on our own people. May Allah continue to guide us aright. I love how you discuss real issues Anisa. We’re all thinking it or going through similar situations. I’d love to marry a Paki even though I’m not one myself.
My sister met this Paki and they wanna get married but his mother is having issues because she’s a black girl. Unbelievable right??? For someone who was born and bred in the U.S.
No! The grass is NOT always greener on the other side. We are special too. We have to appreciate and love ourselves and cultures.
Love you girl and keep doing what you do.
His beautiful chocolate smart strong manliness will cheer and clap while I beat your raggedy asss… lol… that comment got me lmao …. I love you for always speaking on topics that affects us and we’re all thinking it or going through similar situations.
Personally, I’m not a Paki and I’d love to be married to a Paki. I have good Paki friends and the culture is similar to mine. My sister has a Paki guy And they wanna get married but the MIL is trying hard to stop the son from marrying a black girl. It’s unislamic as well.
I just pray & hope we stop the negativity and self degradation. And NO the grass is always not greener on the other side. The grass is just as green where we all are. Let’s learn to love ourselves and appreciate ourselves and be ourselves. We too are special. Love you always Aneesa
I am indian muslim born in the uk and i was engaged to someone back home who happened to be my own cousin we got together when we were 17/18 and as time went on the long distance really did not work as I was getting wiser n growing up and different likes dislikes plus he seemed very controlling which he is with his current wife…so had to end the engagement could have lived with him back home if he did not have a backwards mentalilty like women sit at home n cook for their husband etc…best decision i made by breaking my engagement with him and now happily married to the person from the Uk who lets me do whatever i want…but again that dont mean that it wont work for someonelse everyone is different and relationships are different. Good work aneesa love ur blogs
i love how real u r both of my siblings married non british guys and touch wood they are so good to them and they children it just goes to show not all men are the same.
I’m Bangladeshi born in the UK and i chose to marry a Pakistani who was born in Pakistan with an accent. Everything you just mentioned in this post is so true. My husband works 7 days a week, treats me like a princess and loves our two year old daughter unconditionally. Even though i could’ve chosen a man who was born in the UK, i chose not to and followed my heart because he treated me with so much respect compared to some men in the UK and I’m not ashamed of where he’s from. My old work colleagues looked down on me as i told them I’ll be getting married to him as they thought i should be careful. They said “he just wants to get that red passport” It made me so mad but i stood my ground and talked nothing but nice about my husband to everyone i met. There’s so many close minded people out there, which i don’t wish to associate myself with. We’ve been together for 5 years now Alhamdulillah. Thank you for this post Aneesa, it’s like you just took the words out of my mouth xx
Oh my goodness. Thank you thank you thank you!! This made me a little emotional.. no idea why! Thank you for your support.
Thank you so much! I love you 😫 I was a little emotional writing it too and I have no idea why 😂
This is so refreshing to read!
Thank you so much!
Brilliantly said Hun! I don’t get people
Who are even ashamed to visit their family abroad forget marrying in India/Pakistan! So weird how our own British Indian/Pakistanis are ashamed of where their people came from x
Yesssss I know right, it’s SO sad! Thank you for the comment xx